Why did I start Untie the Knot?

"I spent over €20,000 on solicitors and barristers before discovering much of the process could have been completed myself.
I created Untie the Knot Ireland because I don't want others feeling as lost and overwhelmed as I did."

I’m sharing my journey not because I have all the answers, but because I know how lonely and confusing this process can feel. My hope is that by putting real words to my experience—the doubts, the small victories, the setbacks, and the slow work of starting again—someone else going through separation or divorce might feel a little less alone, a little more understood, and maybe even a bit more hopeful about their own future.

I invite you to read what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and return whenever you need a reminder that you’re not walking this road alone.

What I Wish I Had Known at the Start

Looking back, there are so many things I wish someone had gently explained before my divorce began. These reflections are not rules, just hard-earned lessons that might help you feel a little less alone and a little more prepared as you take your first steps.

Choose Your Support Network Intentionally

Not everyone in your life is equipped to support you well right now. Look for people who listen more than they talk, who respect your boundaries, and who don’t pressure you to move faster than you’re ready. Consider a mix of trusted friends, a therapist, and perhaps a support group where others truly understand what you’re going through.

Lean on people who make you feel calmer, not more confused.
Limit time with those who gossip, judge, or take sides.
Remember: asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

Understand the Legal Process Early

The legal side of divorce can feel cold and overwhelming, especially when your heart is hurting. Learning the basics early can reduce fear and help you make clearer decisions. A brief consultation with a lawyer or legal aid service can give you a roadmap, even if you hope to keep things amicable.

Write down your questions before any legal meeting.
Keep a simple folder (digital or paper) for key documents.
Know your rights so you don’t agree from panic or guilt. (This one is huge, there is not as much urgency as your body is telling you!)

Protect Your Mental and Emotional Health

Divorce is not just a legal event; it is a deep emotional transition. You may feel grief, anger, relief, guilt, or all of them in a single day. This doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human. Prioritizing your mental health is not selfish—it’s essential for you and anyone who depends on you.

Consider therapy or counseling as emotional first aid.
Create small daily rituals that ground you: a walk, journaling, breathing exercises. Go outside!
Give yourself permission to rest, cry, and feel without judgment.

Be Proactive About Money

Money worries can intensify every other stress. Even if finances feel intimidating, taking small, steady steps can give you a sense of control. Start by understanding your current situation, then make a simple plan for the months ahead.

List all income, expenses, debts, and shared assets.
Open accounts in your own name if appropriate and safe.
Ask a financial counselor or trusted advisor for guidance.

Communicate with Children with Honesty and Reassurance

If you have children, they are going through their own version of this loss. They don’t need every detail, but they do need honesty, stability, and repeated reassurance that they are loved and not to blame. It’s okay not to have all the answers; what matters most is your presence and consistency.

Use simple, age-appropriate language and avoid blaming.
Keep routines as steady as possible.
Invite their feelings: “It’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused.”
Try, really try, not to badmouth your ex, even if it feels impossible. Every time you do, you hurt your kids.

Set Clear Boundaries with Your Ex

Boundaries are not about punishment; they are about protection and clarity. Decide what kind of contact feels healthiest for you, especially in the early stages. Written communication can sometimes reduce conflict and give you time to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting from hurt.

Choose communication channels that feel manageable (email, co-parenting apps).
Keep conversations focused on practical matters, especially around children.
It’s okay to say, “I’ll respond when I’ve had time to think.” When in doubt, sleep on it.
Don't text angry, no, stop, put the phone down!

Navigate Friends and Family with Care

People around you may mean well but say the wrong things. Some may take sides, others may disappear, and a few will quietly show up in exactly the way you need. Allow yourself to adjust how close you stand to each person right now, without guilt.

Share details only with those who have earned your trust.
Use simple phrases to shut down unwanted questions.
Notice who leaves you feeling lighter—and spend more time there.

Give Yourself Permission to Grow

This chapter is painful, but it is not the end of your story. You are allowed to change your mind, to learn as you go, and to build a life that feels more honest and aligned with who you are becoming. Healing is not linear, but you are moving, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it.

Be really kind and gentle with yourself. Life will get better, you will feel true happiness again and if you're lucky like me, you might even have an adventure!

Don't let the divorce define you, you are so much more than your circumstances. You are worthy of a great life, this is just another chapter in your story!

So go on the holiday,(see below, me in Siberia!) say yes to the dinner, try that hobby that you always thought about. It's all waiting there for you!